I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
