Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
