Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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