I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Two words: blizzard sex
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
