Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
