I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
