So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
