put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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