"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
