It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
