sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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