oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
