I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
