Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
