I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
