wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
