just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
