chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
