thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
