She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
