I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
