haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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