dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
