Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
