matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
