My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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