his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
