I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
