I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize