Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
