I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
