After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
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Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.