I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You are the jesus of drinking
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?