Texts From Last Night

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  (417): View more from Missouri

  No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.

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  (417): No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times. http://tfl.nu/xlrm
  Replies (6) Good night (1431) Bad night (530)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon

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  (785): It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon http://tfl.nu/mcj5
  Replies (33) Good night (1010) Bad night (6429)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.

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  (901): He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor. http://tfl.nu/qeri
  Replies (20) Good night (1037) Bad night (4342)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long

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  (410): was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long http://tfl.nu/8pgr
  Replies (8) Good night (3431) Bad night (1407)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.

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  (217): 3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa. http://tfl.nu/7ujo
  Replies (2) Good night (1521) Bad night (648)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can

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  (917): on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can http://tfl.nu/4n6x
  Replies (11) Good night (896) Bad night (994)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.

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  (601): When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub. http://tfl.nu/pgrs
  Replies (7) Good night (1978) Bad night (635)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  "Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha

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  (206): "Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha http://tfl.nu/1j7y
  Replies (11) Good night (3154) Bad night (622)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me

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  (203): I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me http://tfl.nu/e1ma
  Replies (5) Good night (1220) Bad night (666)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.

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  (512): Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night. http://tfl.nu/nub3
  Replies (6) Good night (860) Bad night (491)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I'll be there in 20 with vodka.

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  (330): MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. (216): I'll be there in 20 with vodka. http://tfl.nu/ar06
  Replies (5) Good night (1445) Bad night (522)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?

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  (330): What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old? http://tfl.nu/jxml
  Replies (2) Good night (649) Bad night (299)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life

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  (253): Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life http://tfl.nu/x3qe
  Replies (1) Good night (1013) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear

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  (816): Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear http://tfl.nu/9j32
  Replies (4) Good night (484) Bad night (787)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.

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  (571): Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine. http://tfl.nu/8lln
  Replies (1) Good night (545) Bad night (199)

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