I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.