I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I have aggressive nipples.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.