he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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