Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
