my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
