I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
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My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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