when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
