i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
