He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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