Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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