He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
