I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
