she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
