i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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