I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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