i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
