I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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