My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
we're so committed to being not committed
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
