My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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