Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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