First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
