I wish I only lived at night.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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