my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
