I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize