This dress was meant to end up on your floor
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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