so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You smell like stripper and shame
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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