i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
