Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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